Knight Models have announced that the new expansion for the Harry Potter Miniatures Adventure Game will feature a 9 ¾ sided die, in honour of the fictional platform at London King’s Cross Station.
The ‘Cross King’ expansion comes with a new arena board depicting the station, 6 decks of porter cards and 6 luggage trolley miniatures, complete with antiquated luggage and snowy owls trapped in cages. According to the Kickstarter page, trolleys are a traditional weaponised vehicle and add a variety of new attacks to the game, including the Achilles Strike. At the time of writing the campaign is 3083% funded.
Physicists, engineers and mathematicians are baffled by the idea of three-quarters of a side. “How can it be possible,” said Professor Squirrel, a Senior Lecturer at the University of Boarwarts, “I mean, it would be like having a face on the back of your head and hiding it with a turban. Yet Knight Models seem to have broken the laws of physics and done it!”
Meanwhile philosophers (sorcerers for our American readers) are debating whether a rolled 9 ¾ sided die in the Forbidden Forest with no-one to hear it will still make a noise.
In an exclusive scoop for Perfect Information Press, how the new die was created was let slip to this reporter over lunch. “It’s quite simple really,” said Don Ferret, the marketing manager for Knight Models, “We got a regular 9-sided die and then just shaved one of the corners a bit. Of course it makes it impossible to actually land with the ¾ side face up, but we figure that it nicely simulates the blatant inequalities present in the book series.”
The die itself acts as a way for players to access a restricted area of the board to gain knowledge from rare books. The Kickstarter page acknowledges the disparity between platform 9 ¾ and the restricted section of the Hogwarts library, but as the expansion’s designer William Clintons was Quickly-Quoted as saying – “It’s magic, stupid.”
Many fans of the series have expressed delight at the concept. “Well it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?” said Barry Amble, “I mean, 9 ¾ is the one number to rule them all. Such an original concept from JK. It’s almost the exact opposite of 666 so it’s got to be good, right?”
Others are less sure. Animal activists have already made complaints about the treatment of owls in the game. “We told them it wasn’t cruelty to animals if the animals were made of resin,” Knight Models’ director, Harriot Rancher, told this reporter, “they didn’t have an answer to that. I can’t wait until they see the ‘Exploded Owl!’ card.”
When asked what the company thought of the suggestion that yet another new expansion for a game released less than 12 months ago was a cynical cash-grab around a beloved IP, one Knight Models employee who wished to remain anonymous replied “At least we playtested our game! Besides, the farmer doesn’t ask the cow what it thinks during milking. Thanks for lunch by the way.”
Whether you like the idea of a 9 ¾ sided die or not, one thing’s for sure – this campaign will keep on rolling. Fred Durst, eat your heart out!